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11月12日 Clouds on the GroundTurning onto the highway, heading to work. Thick fog is all that I can see. Everything is a misty blue-grey color. There is no sky, no surroundings... just a patch of road that stretches about 100 feet forward then disappears into the same nothingness. I set the cruise control at 70, turn the stereo on. No-skip- No-skip- Ah... perfect..
The Doors, the intro to Apocalypse Now, off the soundtrack, complete with the heavy bass of helicopter props thumping slowly into hearing range, then so loud the car, and me, is thrumming with their sound. Drifting down the road, fog parting slightly for my passage through the ethereal wasteland. No sunrise for me this morning... Every morning I make the thirty minute drive to work. When I was younger, I'd have been pissed off just having to do it. Now, it's a blessing. I have half an hour to wake up, mentally log on to life, and adjust my attitude for the day. And heading east from my home, that is thirty minutes that I get to dwell on the sunrise each morning. Not today. The Sun is gone, all light is filtered through the beads of mist, bathing my surroundings in illumination which is not illumination. Objects appear out of the fog, pass by, and are swallowed up again, as I am swallowed up again, to them. Drifting, the wet road feels different to my feet on the pedals. There is less vibration and I can feel the slickness, the lack of connection between the earth and my car. Everything feels disconnected, lighter than air, less real. Finally the song is over, and The End shifts into War Pigs by Black Sabbath- it's such a perfect segueway that I think for a moment that I must have purposely put these two songs together on this CD, but I know I did not. When I make a music CD, I just throw together a jumble of songs that fit my mood for that moment, and the CD burner organizes them according to the filenames, so as I drag and drop them to a list, they go into their own order. The Chaos IS the craft. Because when I start listening to the songs, I never know what is next. But the eerie despondence of the Doors gives way to the eerie anger of Black Sabbath and it fits perfectly into this moment. Reality is not only the concrete. And winding my way through the heavy clouds on the ground, I understand this. It's an abstract illusion that provides clarity as you go into the clouds. And when they slowly wisp away and are gone, and the colors and harsh light once again exposes the world around us, I feel loss and not gain. As I shake my head, as if waking from some dream- I don't feel as if I am more aware- but less. I pull into the parking lot, and step out on pavement that is now dry, with no evidence that the fog was ever there- and I wonder what else I am missing from this reality. 10月11日 Morals and Murder8月18日 Estate Taxes to Fund Military HealthcareHere's an idea that the Republicans would find hard to fight against: A bill that would make Estate Taxes fund the current crisis in Military healthcare. The Republicans say we don't need that money right? Wrong.
It has been more and more apparent that our military has taken some heavy damage financially during the past three years of deployment. Every week I read about some new stealth cut by the Bush administration to VA benefits or to the soldiers' current benefits. Right now, with a serious lack of funds due to our massive budget deficit, the military has to shift funding going to elderly veterans to our soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. But still there is not enough funding.
Veterans groups have spoken out, but still this administration doesn't have the money it needs to care for our troops.
And this, showing the tactics Republicans have used to prevent anything from being done about it.
EXCERPT
House Minority Leader, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), is supporting the veterans' service organizations (VSOs) in their fight to restore joint House-Senate hearings on veterans' issues.
Rep. Steve Buyer (R-IN), Chairman of the House Committee on Veterans' Affairs, had canceled the hearings...and, did so on his own without consulting other Members of the Committee or putting it to a vote. The fact is, while at war, we need money. And these rich Republicans that support sending lower and middle class Americans kids to protect their own aren't going to care until we hit them where it hurts- THEIR pocketbook, INSTEAD of America's.
When the Upper Class is affected by this war the way the Middle Class has been, perhaps they will start realizing that Sacrifice isn't just for us Peons. It is time for Rich America to shoulder some bit of burden for this war in Iraq. No money for armor? Sure there is.
Time to play by the Repubs rules- We have been far too nice. When Repubs attempt to vote Against Estate taxes to help fund healthcare for the military we will see EXACTLY who they support- The Lobbyists and the Corporations. It is time for the Republicans to drop the empty rhetoric and truly support the troops. 8月11日 Things that the Left knows that the Right doesn't.The Right is wrong on a lot of subjects. Here are some things that Liberals and Conservatives know that the Far Right wingers can't seem to figure out on their own.
1. Invading Iraq was a Mistake.
Watching Israel's massive bombing of Lebanon under Olmert's dubious "leadership" is like watching a mini-version of Bush invading Iraq. Every image from Iraq and Lebanon only serves to emphasize that these countries will now be hotbeds of anti-americanism terrorists for the next decade. Anti-US and Israel sentiment jumps by a magnifier of 100. At least Americans sort of had excuses (lame ones) for invading Iraq. But the end result in Iraq is a WHOLE country full of terrorists now. It wasn't like that before. Now, I can hear the Right wing pundits on teevee= "It's better to fight terrorists in Israel than to have to fight them in Iraq". Welcome to the Next phase of your security, Israel. Ooops.
2. Genocide is not possible. (And not especially wanted except by Fundie Psychos of the terrorist caliber)
As much as the bloodthirsty Right Wingers love to say "We have to kill them all. We have to wipe out Hezbollah." it's not possible. Wipe out Hezbollah? That's kind of like Romans wiping out christians, right? The more you kill, the more you make martyrs and multiply their numbers. Hezbollah is now delivering medicine to the Lebanese, even the non Muslim Lebanese- as Israel bombing runs kill pretty much anyone in Lebanon, from Canadian tourists to UN workers to kids to the random Hezbollah soldier that they manage to off. YOU CANNOT COMMIT GENOCIDE on the Muslims of the world. I have written in detail about this before, last month (probably ON July 12-14 when Israel invaded Lebanon).
3. It's not your duty as a Christian to START Armageddon.
As much as Fundie Christians want to GET TO THE LORD Faster, ending the world yourself is not really a sane option. Put down your nutty, bloody fairy tales and quit trying to hasten the "End of the World".Bush had a Rapture fiction writer over to the White House right before he went on his vacation. The President is having fairy tale discussions with a man who makes up stories about the end of the world. I am sorry- But there was A GOOD REASON For the Separation of Church and State. Does Bush really believe he is Kickstarting Armageddon? Don't Answer THAT! I truly don't want to know if he does. That would be simply Psychotic.
4. Freedom is NOT giving up your freedom.
So Stop supporting Government Control of America. Less Government intervention in our lives. True Conservatives don't need Big Brother. There is only ONE reason to spy on Americans WITHOUT a FISA warrant = And that is so Bush can spy on his political enemies and Americans who have NOTHING to do with terror but are against his power mongering. This is the act of a dictator, people. NOW he is attempting to get rid of a WAR CRIMES law. What part of WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU IDIOTS SUPPORTING? do you NOT UNDERSTAND?!
5. The Media has a Right Wing slant that is Completely Obvious.
If the media was Liberal, you might see a Liberal viewpoint once in a while. You Don't. Lamont beat Lieberman in the Dem primaries. Lieberman, the darling of the Right wing, gets Nonstop media coverage WHILE LOSING. Lamont gets almost NIL. Lieberman's shitty $15 website goes down and He blames Lamont. No one in the Main Stream Media reports the truth- that it was Lieberman's incompentence and misuse of campaign funds that was the real culprit. No one, except the internet revealed he said he was spending thousands of dollars on his website, meanwhile funneling it to other uses. No one in the media exonerated Lamont publicly after smearing him. Get over it. There is No Liberal Media you fruitcakitos.
6. THIS IS FREEDOM. THIS IS AN AMERICAN DOING HIS DUTY:
http://www.henryrollins.ifc.com Click on Teeing off.
You won't be disappointed. This is free speech. Don't like it? Move to Iran, Motherfucker!
Get the Fuck over it. We are tired of your Fascist Right Wing Bullshit. And we aren't gonna take it any damn longer. Wake the Fuck up because you idiots are ruining the country by letting these assholes use your sheeplike complacence to allow them to corrupt our Democracy.
7月29日 ON VACATIONOut of town til Tuesday...
NavySwan is to thank for this link:
Which debunks the myth that Israel kills Lebanese Civilians because "it has to"
6月23日 Collective Consciousness
NavySwan: Wow. I think he nailed it. I have been saying that it seems a mental illness has taken over our country. I never thought that I was living among people that were so cold-hearted and morally vacant until these last few years. I have lost any hope for humanity also. What the hell can we do to counter this? And it is not just the leadership. I fear the hatred and evil is spreading through the population. Great excerpt indeed.
What do you think of collective consciousness and how that effects everything? I have just been wondering. It seems like the more hatred there is in people, the more it spreads. Just something I have been pondering-
Well, I think that humans are far more susceptible to ‘viruses of thought’ than may be realized. The more that people compartmentalize their ‘allies’ and ‘enemies’, the easier it seems for the collective consciousness to breed hate and loathing for those who “are not on my side”. The less empathy that we allow ourselves as individuals, the more the virus grows in us all. The cure for the collective madness is to cultivate independent thought and care and concern for ALL of our fellow mankind. As hippy-dippy as that may sound- it makes a lot of sense on a psychological level. How to combat this affliction? By open conversation, understanding and less going off the handle about our own beliefs. The path of peace- IS PEACE. Gandhi’s way is a lot harder than Patton’s. But in the end, it is the only way that will allow humans to evolve past the butchery and the simplistic animal butchery that has been our way of life for too long. We are the enlightened. Humans DO build more than we destroy, in the grand scheme. But those who make excuses for their own callous treachery to mankind bring us low daily. We have to stand tall in the face of their shallow reasonings; the petty justifications of their support for evil acts against their fellow man. Ours IS a better way. Our only enemies are those who believe that there can never be peace because they are not at peace with themselves. 6月22日 Man without a country, country without a soul
5月5日 Grasp of Tranquility?This is from my personal blog, but I liked it so much, I am putting it here too...
Last night had an ethereal quality about it. I don't know if I was just exhausted from a week with the kids, work, etc and it affected my perception or what... I got off work, headed home- talked to Jon, who was sick. Bubba and Tarya were supposed to go to "The Bullet" tonight for drinks and pool. I figured I would wing it and see. I picked up Lauren and she went shopping for part of Amy's birthday present with me. We went to Toys R US and I got her some bubble toys and a pair of Barbie Roller-skate shoes that she has been wanting since we got Taylor some for Christmas. I will get the rest tomorrow. We decided we didn't feel like Beers at the bullet= and she needed a break from Tarya the way I needed one from Bubba probably. We ended up going to Uncle Chien's for some chinese and then went to see what Jon was doing. He was sick as a dog and in bed by this point, although this did not stop him from drinking his three last beers.. I stopped in at a T&C for a snack and as I was paying out, the checkout guy just said to me, out of the blue- (I was the only customer there) "I don't know what to do- I feel like I am going to lose control, man". He had a haunted look, but I really wasn't paying attention, and I just gave a rote reply- "I know Exactly what you mean, brother" He said that no, I didn't and he proceeded to talk in a rambling manner about his wife, and infidelities of the past, and possible infidelities of the present. Told to anyone else, he probably would have seemed like a raving lunatic- But I recognized that look, that emotion, that desperation in his voice, his cry for help. A twinge of pain crossed my heart, but a sense of peace washed over it, almost immediately, surprising even myself for a second. I listened to him for about five minutes, not interrupting, eating my snack there at the counter. His phone started ringing- He said it was her, but he couldn't answer it, his eyes were full of his fear of the truth. That truth that dances wildly in the corner of your eye, gradually moves into clear focus. It was the same old story, made more painful by the fact that he had 3 kids. He KNEW she was cheating- and she was basically throwing it in his face, but he didn't want to know. He couldn't wrap his mind around a concept his heart COULD NOT accept. He rambled about his kids, his love, his desire to keep his family together. I stopped him there- "You're talking to a man who has Custody of his kids because of the same situation." His eyes went a little wide. I continued, "When you can't take it anymore, you'll leave. When your heart can't blind your eyes any longer, you'll know it's time to go. You'll survive. Do right by your kids and you can't go wrong. You CAN See the truth. It's there for you to see. When you can ACCEPT it- you will know what to do. Don't let it keep you in Hell a second longer than it has to." He just kind of stared, openmouthed for a minute, then his eyes unclouded. I knew Exactly what this man was going through. That weird sense of peace was like a tangible spirit, surrounding me as I went on : "I KNOW. You know it too, deep inside." I gave him a wry smile that I hoped conveyed that hard-fought tranquility I now possessed. I almost wanted to shake his hand, or give the poor bastard a hug. But I just said "It's a hard road- Good Luck, man" And I walked out into the night, hoping I may have kicked him into the gear in a man's head that will finally shift you out of neutral. I smiled to myself- so I guess, this is peace of mind? It was a long road back from Hell. Looks like I made it. 9月1日 This is THE SITUATIONAmerican citizens of conscience now face the choice that others have faced. Like a white South African during apartheid, or a German citizen during the Third Reich, etc, you are privileged members of a community who's leaders are committing crimes against humanity in your name. What are you going to do about it? Failure to face your moral quandary implicates you in these crimes, which are multiple, egregious, escalating. Action or inaction, both are choices. 8月30日 Contemplating the Godhood of IndividualityBubba Wrote me a short email today, he seemed a little down with trying to live the normal life... Here's what he wrote, and my reponse to him...
as i sit here contemplating the normality gene that was appearantly not in our mothers womb, why is it s o hard for us to just conform. just to hold down jobs wives the status qou jesus it can't be that hard millions of people get up every day and do just that why is it that we have to be so different.
My response:
Hold down jobs?- well, you just got to be fired up enough to pay the bills. Wives?= well, thats a two way street and America has the highest rate of divorce in the world, most likely due to materialistic b*tches. Status Quo?= Fck the status Quo. You can join the majority if u like, is that what your love affair with conservatism has been about this past 3 years? Hell u might as well start going to church and be a christian zombie if you are worried about Status Quo in ABILENE or LUBBOCK- hell man...
Fck that. we've got 30 to 80 years (who knows, really) to enjoy this level of existence. I dont know if anything else comes after, but I will NEVER surrender my ability to THINK as well as FEEL. I will never kowtow to anything: whether man, ideal, or government, that I see is less than it can be. Will I change anything, anybody ELSE? I dont know- But I will be in control of my own destiny by never accepting Less on PURPOSE. No one knows the future. But You got to be the best you can. Its the Fate of those of us who are truly Individuals. We have to WORK harder, be Smarter, Dodge the bullets better. Cause we choose to be different. That means the rest of the world, the little weak men who conform because its a shortcut to what WE DO, will always hate us and be Jealous of us. We have the Freedom they dont have the balls to fcking take. Let them be conservative and afraid and try to take down what they dont understand and will never have the desire to try to understand. We have to Stand tall, Persevere, and let them know what Real manhood is- Thats Why we Do we Do Bubba- Keep the Faith unto yourself. Its the only Faith you know. Its the only Faith you can really have- AS LONG AS YOU STILL KNOW YOURSELF. I KNOW YOU - I see your heart every day, right on your sleeve, just like mine. Let the weak hide their hearts in their false religions. Be your own god. But Earn it. Every damn day. I got faith in you, Bub= Always have. always will.
Your Brother
Kirk
8月19日 Quote for the day"If you leave the Christian Bible outside, eventually the wind and the rain will destroy it.My bible IS the Wind and the Rain."
this quote is attributed to an un-named Native American woman. |
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